4 weeks gone

So things are getting better somewhat. I’m not crying every day only the odd day when I’m tired and frustrated. My mum and sister coming over was a big boost I needed even if it did give me a small realisation that I never ask for help when I need it. It also made me realise that I get very easily frustrated over the silliest of things. One of which was a sling we bought that I just couldn’t get to fit comfortably. The only thought running through my head when trying it though was “I’m too fat to carry my own child.” Yeah it was a little extreme.
I’m liking Beth a little more each day but still view her with a sort of detachment rather than the unconditional love that others seem to have. I voiced a few of my frustrations to my nurse at her 2 week check and her advice was what everyone else has told me. Keep up on my sleep and accept/ ask for help when needed. Well as said I’m slowly getting there.
My aims as always are to keep Kim happy. If he’s happy then I’m happy. Unfortunately though this is proving difficult recently. In being so miserable I seem to have neglected even the basic things like telling him I love him. I do love him there is no doubt about it but recently I’ve just been having trouble with everything. I’m sure he understands but I need to pull myself out of this rut. Nights are the worst I find. When I just feel alone with things. When it’s dark and my thoughts kick in. Usually when I’m most tired and need to sleep. It’s hopefully getting better though. I don’t want to jinx it.
I’m not actually sure what to put right now. I just wanted to update to say we’re getting there. Very slowly I’m getting there. One night at a time.