December 31st 2016 (244lbs) – April 30th 2017 (201lbs)
That’s right. I’m still at it. As of today I’m at 194lbs so down a total of 50lbs. All through counting calories and working out. I eat around 1600 calories a day and track using myfitnesspal. For the gym I lift weights and do a bit of cycling to warm up. That’s 3 days a week. For the rest of the week I’m either walking the dog or being lazy. Today though I started c25k (its exhausting but I ran!)
I feel good. I’m sleeping better, when I’m not stressing about exams that is. I still get to eat what I want, just within moderation. And its all because of a little self control and discipline. I thought it would be harder. Like with pcos, you’re told that it’s practically impossible to lose weight and yet here I am. 50lbs down in 6 months. I thought it would be the impossible. People I know are saying I’m inspiring and quite honestly. I’m not sure why. It really is that easy to do…
Next goal is 179. That makes me a healthy bmi. For the first time since I was a preteen I’m sure. The last time I remember being weighed was at 21 and I was about 230lbs then… I’ve always been big. I’m very curious as to how my body is going to look in…jesus 15lbs…That’s really not that far at all. Still can’t get over how easy this has been. Where’s the catch?
So I was going to update each week with our this weight loss thing was going. And then I got busy with university and parenting and you know life. But, good news! I’m still going strong.
I started January at 244lbs. Currently on March 2nd, after a week of being ill and my body holding all water weight, I’m 217! 27lbs down in total. The first 16 just dropped off me after I started to count my calories.the rest have been a slow rate of about 1-2 per week.
I also joined a gym like I said I would. I’m going 3 times a week for about an hour each time. This includes 20 minutes+ of cycling and then weight training afterwards. I’m really enjoying it. On weekends im walking the dog and I look forward to doing things. Not just sitting around watching TV.
It’s actually been very easy. I’m still enjoying some treats every now and again. But instead of buying every cake that I see, I’m actually making the choice as to whether they are worth it. I’m rewarding myself with new t shirts and things to help me instead of food.
The only hard part has been that my immune system has taken a beating. I finally had to give in this week and rest. I was back in the gym today but damn could I feel the break.
I need to add a progress picture as near on 30lbs has made a bit of a difference to my appearance, at least to my university friends anyways. Seriously so many questions and compliments. I’m not used to it at all.
But yeah, things are going really well. Here’s hoping to another loss soon!
So my scales arrived and guess what! I was 10kg less than my midwife appointment 3 years ago so instead og starting this journey at 121kg, I’m starting it at 110kg! (244lbs for the Americans!).
This does make my calories a little lower for the days (I’m going by recommended TDEE, not just 1200 crazy) but it’s not so bad when I work out my meals. I’ve been finding some good recipes on google and reddit so last week got to try quinoa for the first time and suprisingly enjoyed it! My problem comes in the evenings when the meals are a little heavier and a little later than I could do with, but its something I’m willing to do so that me and my husband can enjoy time together. I just make sure to add it all in for the day and cut back.
At university this is easier as I’m kept busy and my mind always occupied but at home I’m driving crazy with boredom and as such with unneeded hunger. I’ve tidied my house this week, just to give me something productive to do. The joys of having a toddler means I can’t actually do anything I want to do. Crochet? Nope, she wants my yarn and hooks. PC? She’s escaped to try and kill herself with something. At least I’m running around after her then.
But Wednesday will be weigh in day and I’m excited. I’ll admit this week hasn’t been easy on some days. Just feeling like shit from the diet change. But other days I have felt amazing, So much energy, So happy. I’ve even signed up for a 5 week challenge for accountibility!
Haven’t updated since August. I’ve simply been too busy. I have even had to make a timetable for when I can fit things into my life.
University is going very well. There was a hiccup at the start where I worried how I was going to manage it all along with being a parent but after some tips from a student counsellor I’ve settled in nicely. I’m completing assignments on time and even managing the fuck tonne of required reading (though with Christmas things have slowed down).
I’ve met a load of different people from all around the world and learnt so much about their backgrounds and cultures. Countries which before, I had little knowledge about.
I’m enjoying the subjects too. Though currently there is a lot of theory and I’m worried how it will work in practice but my friends seem confident so I will just hope for the best.
Beth is doing well. Her speech has picked up incredibly over the last month or so. She loved Christmas and has gained an obsession with dinosaurs. She’s still as loud and as active as ever though.
The active side will do me good though. I’m treating 2017 as the year I get shit done. Starting with myself.
It’s been 2 weeks since I had my last fizzy drink and yesterday I started my healthy eating. The last time I focussed like this it worked and then I got pregnant. So time to focus again. And for the first time in 20 years I’m going to own a pair of scales. Horray for new years as they were on sale very cheap. I’m going to do this. I have my before pictures taken and my apps installed and if my timetable allows it in February I will join a gym up town and start on that side of things. I’m not going to go crazy and rush into things, trying to change every little aspect of my life. That won’t work with me. I’m taking it bit by bit. Slowly merging it into my life so that it just becomes the norm. The only thing I wish was that I had a little more support from people around me. So hopefully this blog will probably become that base. Mostly so I don’t bore the pants off my husband (we got married in September by the way! I’ll post more of that at a later date).
So yeah, the old cliche. New year, new me. Well a more disciplined version of me anyways. And if anyone would like to join me on this journey then please do. As it’s going to be a long fucking journey. (No seriously. The last weigh in I had was when I was 12 weeks pregnant, 3 years ago! and I was a BMI of 39…) Long…Fucking…Journey…
I passed the interview. Starting the 1st September, I will be doing a 4 year degree in teaching. I’m just so full of different feelings right now. Excited, nervous, unsure but determined.
I have a goal now, a life again, something to aim for and to focus on. I feel like a person again. I feel like me again.
To give you all a backstory I finished my GCSE’s with good grades but at 17 went off the rails and flunked my AS’. I managed 3 U’s and an E in psychology. The only reason I managed that was because I had a panic attack and got seated by myself for the exam where I could focus and relax. I dropped out shortly after that and went straight into a working life. No qualifications for me. It wasn’t until 2013 that I went back to college and found out within 2 weeks of being there that I was pregnant with our long awaited daughter. I aced the 1st year despite the tough pregnancy, 3 weeks after the exams had Beth and then 4 months later we unexpectedly moved to Denmark. I never even started my second year. I just became a mother and nothing else. I never regained any sense of purpose. Only that sense of jumping through hopes to try and achieve anything.
But I’ve finally got it now. And I don’t want to lose this. I will do my best to get through this, to work hard, to be a good mother, to be a good role model to my little girl. To be a good wife to the man I love. I owe him that much after all these years of him supporting us. I can do this. I know it,
I have no options right now. I woke up to an email where the phrase “Based on what you describe, you do not fulfill the above-mentioned requirements.” was used twice. A gentle reminder that the decision I made 10 years to drop out of college was here to stay. My only choice, learn Danish well enough to pass the equivalent of the A levels here and then apply again. It can’t be done. I’ve gone through 16 teachers at my sprogskole now. I’m still unable to hold a conversation with someone. Why bother?
So my other option is to find work in an area I have no interest in. Back to customer service or worse. Some dead end shelf stacking job. And that’s provided they want me in English. Which they won’t as why hire someone who doesn’t speak the local language when the locals speak English just as well. The kommune were nice enough to change how much money I get. Which in turn changed our other levels of income. Meaning we’re now worse off each month. And then they expect me to pay for transport to jobs I couldn’t care less about. Transport they also raised the cost of.
I’m pissed. I have to have a meeting today with the kommune who will ask me what my aims are. Currently they are to try not to tear off the heads of any person who thinks this has an easy solution. Like “Do you just want to move back to the UK?”. I’m not even justifying that with a fucking answer.
I know what’s going to happen. I’m going to spend the rest of my life alienated and alone. Working in an area I don’t want to. Among people I share nothing in common with. Not even the language.
I recently started seeing an psychiatrist. He determined I worry too much. And then I justify my worrying and then end up in a cycle stressed out. Yes I do that. I admit it. I see myself doing it right now. But how do you stop with something like this? Should I be apathetic to the situation? Should I be proactive and then be shot down at every corner and just accept it? I am just so fucking angry with this whole situation! This was supposed to be the better life. And it’s just fucked. It’s fucked for me. It’s better for Beth. It’s better for Kim. I’m alone and fucked though. And I refuse to accept it, but all I get told is to calm the fuck down. “We’ll find a way.” “You’re doing great at your Danish.” “don’t worry”.
Today marks my 4 year anniversary of blogging. It’s been a wild ride. From infertility to parenting, work to studying to unemployment, Ireland to Denmark. It doesn’t seem to slow down here. Today I’m trying to find some purpose as usual. My life of solely parenting and useless language lessons has finally got to me. I need to have something to aim for. The lessons are not near good enough and my Danish is still terrible. Like seriously, I can’t even say a simple sentence. There is simply no point me ever speaking it as people speak English anyways.Yes, I know, excuses,excuses but come and be me for a week and see how it is. Me and Kim have been over it a hundred times but I have to be honest with myself. It’s not working. I will not be able to speak this language let alone go to university and study a degree. If I spend at least another year learning it in school then it will be 8 years before I graduate. I’ll be 37. I hate to say it but I don’t want to be a burden that long. I’ve been it long enough already. And Kim might say otherwise. But I’m the one who’s doing this and I have to do something. I have to feel like I’m accomplishing something. I’ve started showing off my crochet work in a hope that someone will buy from me but again realistically that won’t pay well enough. Especially when Facebook limits how much you can show off your work. You have to pay to boost your posts. I’m sorry, but fuck you Facebook.
So I’m left trying to find something I can accomplish over here. I looked at Open University but even with their pay as you go system it’s still too costly for us to afford. I’ve looked at Roskilde University but with the mix of random qualifications I have, it seems I may still not be able to take any of their courses. I’d basically have to still do the high school 2 years here before I could even think of university and of course those courses are in Danish. Talk about a big load of regret being rubbed in my face for not just doing it when I was 17. I don’t like regretting things, everything happens for a reason but fucking hell. If I had just finished my A Levels then I wouldn’t be stuck in this shitstorm right now.
And then there is the issue of Beth, Can I even take a full-time course at a university while taking care of her. Yes there is childcare, but there is also travelling to and from to get her, there’s homework, studying at home, the list goes on. Can that be done when you don’t have family or friends around to help?
Currently I’m just waiting on answers from various people about my options. It’s Easter break though so I don’t expect replies any time soon. I could speak to my work lady at the job center but she already hates the fact that I don’t speak Danish fluently enough to get whatever backwards job she has lined up for me. Like seriously, I want to work but gravedigger is not exactly my preferred choice. As always I’m waiting on others before I can do something myself.