All posts for the month March, 2013

Jumping through hoops

Published March 27, 2013 by reachandflexibility

So we went to the first adoption meeting. This is the one where they give you all the information and from there you can request an application pack and get on your way to the very long path of adoption. I went in with a sense of excitement and dread. I knew it would be a tough path but I hoped and my god I hoped that it would be an option for us. To put it simply it’s not. I’ll give you the run down of the things I remember from yesterday. Mostly I remember with each fact looking at Kim and the recognition between us both of how can this be done? So –

  • ¬†Only 10% of all prospective adoptive parents end up with a child. This is from start to finish. It’s not like the numbers are even that high but people get refused declaration for their age, health, finances, country choice etc etc. People with declarations get left waiting until the declaration expires. There are people from 3 years ago currently having theirs renewed due to waiting so long.
  • The majority of children up for adoption have special needs in some way. Now whilst I like to think I could deal with any problems that child might have it’s not just me involved in this. It’s Kim as well and realistically we have always wanted a child of our merits. Now the institutionalised problems can be overcome mostly but in a real would I don’t think we could deal with it. We’re being selfish in this we know but I guess it’s not the life we wanted. The more physical problems the children have ranging from spina bifida and cystic fibrosis are nothing I know about. You can request to have a healthy child but there are very few in care domestic or intercountry. Even if you’re ok with adopting an unhealthy child you have to prove your knowledge and show you would be able to. This I can understand but what biological parent has to do this when taking their child home for the first time?
  • Out of the 13 or so countries available for adoption 5 were currently closed for adoptions, 3 I was actually too young to adopt from (this was probably the only good thing that came from it, that I was too young for something for a change). The rest either had extremely long waiting lists and were dealing with a backlog or cost wise they were out of the question.
  • Florida has a cost of 38,000 euros. When asked what these costs covered we couldn’t be told and we would have to find out off someone who had actually adopted from there. Bulgaria the cheapest country was 18,000. Pretty much we can’t afford this and cycles of IVF would be cheaper. They would also be quicker and would result in our own child.
  • Only 34 adoptions worldwide went through last year to bring children into new families in Ireland. Yet there were 600+ people waiting to adopt from countries and there are 4000 children in foster care in Ireland alone. This makes no sense…
  • Me and Kim would need to get police clearance from all countries we have lived in for over 6 months. This is another cost on top of all the other legal things and I don’t even know where to start with it. We would also need to be health checked for any serious issues. Dr’s would need to sign off on current or past problems ie my depression to show that it’s under control in an appropriate way.
  • There is a 4 year minimum wait time. Now this we can handle even if it doesn’t make much sense why there is this wait time. They say they’re putting the children first and yet these children are stuck in the “care” system for months and years waiting for families who are desperate to have children. Families who have jumped through hopes and had checks that any normal mother/father would not have needed.
  • They need to interview coupled friends of the adoptive parents. Now this would be fine if me and Kim actually knew couples here in Ireland. I’ll get this straight I’m not a social person. I will wear my headphones around the city centre even when the battery has gone just so people won’t talk to me. So we know 0 couples.

So basically we’ve hit the wall before we’ve even started as I expected. Foster care seems like an option but not while I’m hoping to go to college full-time. It would be 2 years before we’d be ready to look at foster care. Even then they expect you to be at home full-time to manage the child. Understandable but difficult to do. That’s also 2 years away, a miracle could happen in that time. A very unexpected miracle.

On some more positive notes I don’t know what CD I’m on. For the first time in almost 2 years I have no idea and not really any willingness to find out. I’ll find out when AF shows I guess and I can only hope my cycle is longer than last time. Getting concerned that they’re getting shorter despite my blood test results all being normal.

We’re getting closer to May which means college interview to find out if I’ve got in. God I hope I have. I really do. I’d do anything to get this course.

Even though yesterday was a disaster it hasn’t hit me as badly as I thought it would. I think it’s because in my head I still have hope of something happening. Until someone tells me it’s impossible then there is always a chance. I don’t have to accept a future that isn’t written in stone.


Published March 25, 2013 by reachandflexibility

So tomorrow is the first adoption meeting to basically find out all the information, what our options are and the most important thing of can we actually go ahead with all this. It will take years anyways to go through and I’m aware of all that, but will we be shot down before we’ve even began?

I’m in mixed emotions about tomorrow. Excited that we’re taking this first step and nervous that it will all end straight away. That we’ll find we can’t afford the costs, my divorce won’t allow us to adopt. My previous mental health issues will limit us even further. I’ve googled but typically can find nothing to cover these questions.

The question comes up though of what happens if we can’t adopt for whatever reason. Then what? Do we try to find away to get back to clomid, iui and ivf? Something that I didn’t want to do or do I accept our future as a family of 2? I sort of don’t want to accept that though. It’s not really fair and I’ll just spend my life knowing what’s missing. There will be such a gap in my life and I don’t think anything else could fill it.

All I can do is wait until tomorrow though and hope that it’s all good news. Hope that there is an option for us. 10am tomorrow we’ll find out I guess.

Limbo bores…

Published March 15, 2013 by reachandflexibility

So I’ve not updated in a while mostly because I’ve had nothing to blog about. My last cycle was a grand total of 24 days meaning I had 3 periods within 6 weeks, each as painful as the last. I honestly thought with the last one that my ovaries were being shot through my knee caps. Not fun at all.

Everything has sort of been on hold. I’ve requested me and Kim’s notes from the clinic just so I can go over all the numbers for my own piece of mind really. You guys know how it is. Something to google. It’s not that I don’t trust doctors at all, I just like to have all the facts myself.

We also got our letter through about the adoption information meeting. This is the first step to seeing if we want to make an application and whether it will be intercountry or domestic and what our options really are. I’m excited about it but at the same time a little nervous as all I’ve heard is horror stories about people being stuck in the system for years and it costing the earth. I sort of want to be naive about it all and it flies by but I know that’s never the case.

I’m still doing my day at the vets and it’s going well. I’m enjoying it and just counting the time to my college interview and then whether I will get in or not. Then I can worry about the financial side of things. I’m sort of in a limbo with it at the moment but the vet stuff is keeping me intrested. Got my animal welfare exam coming up on the 22nd April and I’m not looking forward to it. 2 1/2 hour written exam with essay questions. I need to revise and badly…

So yeah not alot going on at the moment. Just waiting for things to happen and trying to keep myself occupied to stop the crazies from setting in.

Andrew: We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.

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