So my scales arrived and guess what! I was 10kg less than my midwife appointment 3 years ago so instead og starting this journey at 121kg, I’m starting it at 110kg! (244lbs for the Americans!).
This does make my calories a little lower for the days (I’m going by recommended TDEE, not just 1200 crazy) but it’s not so bad when I work out my meals. I’ve been finding some good recipes on google and reddit so last week got to try quinoa for the first time and suprisingly enjoyed it! My problem comes in the evenings when the meals are a little heavier and a little later than I could do with, but its something I’m willing to do so that me and my husband can enjoy time together. I just make sure to add it all in for the day and cut back.
At university this is easier as I’m kept busy and my mind always occupied but at home I’m driving crazy with boredom and as such with unneeded hunger. I’ve tidied my house this week, just to give me something productive to do. The joys of having a toddler means I can’t actually do anything I want to do. Crochet? Nope, she wants my yarn and hooks. PC? She’s escaped to try and kill herself with something. At least I’m running around after her then.
But Wednesday will be weigh in day and I’m excited. I’ll admit this week hasn’t been easy on some days. Just feeling like shit from the diet change. But other days I have felt amazing, So much energy, So happy. I’ve even signed up for a 5 week challenge for accountibility!
Haven’t updated since August. I’ve simply been too busy. I have even had to make a timetable for when I can fit things into my life.
University is going very well. There was a hiccup at the start where I worried how I was going to manage it all along with being a parent but after some tips from a student counsellor I’ve settled in nicely. I’m completing assignments on time and even managing the fuck tonne of required reading (though with Christmas things have slowed down).
I’ve met a load of different people from all around the world and learnt so much about their backgrounds and cultures. Countries which before, I had little knowledge about.
I’m enjoying the subjects too. Though currently there is a lot of theory and I’m worried how it will work in practice but my friends seem confident so I will just hope for the best.
Beth is doing well. Her speech has picked up incredibly over the last month or so. She loved Christmas and has gained an obsession with dinosaurs. She’s still as loud and as active as ever though.
The active side will do me good though. I’m treating 2017 as the year I get shit done. Starting with myself.
It’s been 2 weeks since I had my last fizzy drink and yesterday I started my healthy eating. The last time I focussed like this it worked and then I got pregnant. So time to focus again. And for the first time in 20 years I’m going to own a pair of scales. Horray for new years as they were on sale very cheap. I’m going to do this. I have my before pictures taken and my apps installed and if my timetable allows it in February I will join a gym up town and start on that side of things. I’m not going to go crazy and rush into things, trying to change every little aspect of my life. That won’t work with me. I’m taking it bit by bit. Slowly merging it into my life so that it just becomes the norm. The only thing I wish was that I had a little more support from people around me. So hopefully this blog will probably become that base. Mostly so I don’t bore the pants off my husband (we got married in September by the way! I’ll post more of that at a later date).
So yeah, the old cliche. New year, new me. Well a more disciplined version of me anyways. And if anyone would like to join me on this journey then please do. As it’s going to be a long fucking journey. (No seriously. The last weigh in I had was when I was 12 weeks pregnant, 3 years ago! and I was a BMI of 39…) Long…Fucking…Journey…
So I’ve not posted in ages. I would say not much has happened but that’s a lie. I’m not pregnant is the first thing though. Just in case anyone wondered if that was the reason for my vanishing.
Things that have happened then. I didn’t get onto my vet nursing which I so hoped I would. I did however get offered the course for canine husbandry so I’ll be doing that instead. I’m very happy with that at least and have been worrying about going back since I got the letter with the offer. Counting down till September 😀
My little sister S (Who’s 24 I might add) got baptised at their local church back home. I’m happy for her and looking forward to the pictures. Though I’m not religious myself, more on the fence with it, she’s taken a liking in the christian side of things and with how tough things have been for her recently I’m glad she’s found something good to help her get through it.
My friend J is has reached 17 weeks pregnant and is still going strong. She had some problems at the start just after she had received my gifts for her birthday and a small part of me thought maybe I’d caused the problem. Very very unlikely but with my luck so far on that front I thought maybe I’d gone and passed the torch in some way…Well everything has been fine and we’re been discussing names and her birth plans. Which I have to say I’ve enjoyed.
On a baby front for me nothing has happened. There’s been no clinic stuff simply because we can’t afford it. At 100€ just to see the Dr it’s sort of back of the mind type issue right now. Adoption of course was not really an option and I’m not too big on fostering as I’ve probably explained in the past. For now I’m still hopeful that we’ll have kids one day but now is just not when it’s going to happen.
So from a few weeks back I decided to focus on the things I can control. My weight was top of the list. With a year out of work, fertility meds, depression and a hell of a lot of eating I’ve got to the point where I’m pretty self-conscious of my body and was sort of becoming a recluse. At least in my eyes anyways. I’ve so far cut out fizzy drinks (mostly) and a lot of the snacks and choccy and junk I was eating before. Fruit has actually become a part of my diet. This isn’t a diet by the way. If I think of it as a diet I won’t stick to it. This is a subconscious change of things and I’m going to enjoy it. I’ve also taken up this workout called Hip Hop Abs. Day 3 in and oh my god my legs are killing me. But I’m going to keep going. I’m enjoying it. My only concern with things right now is the summer heat which I’ve never been able to deal with. I’m hoping a good storm shows up soon.
I’m also trying to get out more. Being a recluse has limited my friend circle of people I see. It’s really just me and Kim recently as everyone else has their own lives. I’m not angry at them just a littler irked that as usual I’m the one having to make the effort. I won’t go into much detail on all that as to be honest I’m still trying to structure my thoughts from the primal urge which screams “I care about your problems but I know that’s not the real reason you’ve not bothered with us”…I need to structure that and think on it before I even bother digging the hole. But with more social I’ve been looking into local roleplay groups, organising cinema trips for me and the odd friends I’ve not seen in ages and for the first time in ages I genuinely want to meet some new people, even if I am terrible at small talk. We’ll see how that goes. Least I’ve got Kim to support me 🙂
Apart from all that nothing much else has happened. My life is pretty dull and things are just moving along slowly. You’ll prob next get an update in September about college and my most probably weight gain 😛
So new years resolutions. I actually have some this year as I feel I need to get stuff done and stop leaving it to chance and fate. So here we go –
1 – Lose weight and actually get in shape. Kim says I don’t need to lose any but I’ve got to that stage where I weigh the same as when I moved over to Ireland and I really don’t like it. I want to be able to wear my old trousers that make my ass look good, that’s all I’m asking. So I’m not going any fad diet, I can’t be doing with that. I’m just cutting down on the amount of junk I eat, getting rid of fizzy drinks and moving to fruity water as I think these are a huge part of my weight gain and I’m walking the dog more/ maybe running if I can get past this lazy barrier my body has put up against me.
2 – Get a job. If I can’t do this suck up my pride and ask the welfare for money again, this time without getting sarky with them despite the fact that they’re useless overpaid know-it-alls who if they lost their own jobs would have less chance than I have finding one.
3 – Expand my knowledge in some way this year, I’ll be getting my welfare course qualification so I guess that’s something
As you can see its going to be a busy few months for me and I plan to stick to each of these. 2013 will be my year and I will make it my year. I’m tired of watching everyone else move on with their lives while I sit there dwelling in the past. I’ve had enough of that. I’m making my life happy and god help anyone who tries to stop me.