I have no options right now. I woke up to an email where the phrase “Based on what you describe, you do not fulfill the above-mentioned requirements.” was used twice. A gentle reminder that the decision I made 10 years to drop out of college was here to stay. My only choice, learn Danish well enough to pass the equivalent of the A levels here and then apply again. It can’t be done. I’ve gone through 16 teachers at my sprogskole now. I’m still unable to hold a conversation with someone. Why bother?
So my other option is to find work in an area I have no interest in. Back to customer service or worse. Some dead end shelf stacking job. And that’s provided they want me in English. Which they won’t as why hire someone who doesn’t speak the local language when the locals speak English just as well. The kommune were nice enough to change how much money I get. Which in turn changed our other levels of income. Meaning we’re now worse off each month. And then they expect me to pay for transport to jobs I couldn’t care less about. Transport they also raised the cost of.
I’m pissed. I have to have a meeting today with the kommune who will ask me what my aims are. Currently they are to try not to tear off the heads of any person who thinks this has an easy solution. Like “Do you just want to move back to the UK?”. I’m not even justifying that with a fucking answer.
I know what’s going to happen. I’m going to spend the rest of my life alienated and alone. Working in an area I don’t want to. Among people I share nothing in common with. Not even the language.
I recently started seeing an psychiatrist. He determined I worry too much. And then I justify my worrying and then end up in a cycle stressed out. Yes I do that. I admit it. I see myself doing it right now. But how do you stop with something like this? Should I be apathetic to the situation? Should I be proactive and then be shot down at every corner and just accept it? I am just so fucking angry with this whole situation! This was supposed to be the better life. And it’s just fucked. It’s fucked for me. It’s better for Beth. It’s better for Kim. I’m alone and fucked though. And I refuse to accept it, but all I get told is to calm the fuck down. “We’ll find a way.” “You’re doing great at your Danish.” “don’t worry”.
Find me a solution and I won’t have to worry.