So I’ve been a pretty shit blogger since getting pregnant. I’ll be honest I only ever really blog when I’m not in the best of mental places and recently though stressed I’ve been ok. My stress mainly revolves around 2 things. My college assignments and having this baby.
With college we’re coming to the end of the year. Assignments, assessments and exams are starting to reach deadlines and the exams are lurking just around the corner. Everything I’ve learnt seems to be escaping my brain the moment I need to recall it and the pregnancy brain isn’t helping. For instance I just had to sex a hamster using 2 poorly taken photos. I keep hamsters. I know hamsters. I had read my notes 100 times. When I saw the pictures I questioned everything I knew and chose the wrong fucking option. It didn’t help that me and this tutor clash quite badly and in her newly pregnant state (which she’s having trouble hiding despite us all knowing) we just don’t seem to get on too well. I’ve tried being pleasant and still get nothing but the “could you fucking not” face. Then we have the dog grooming assessment coming up. This is the one real module that I have to pass. And I’m dreading it. I’m terrified.Still suffering with morning sickness and having to shave a dog covered in its own shit will not do me any good. Could I maybe do this assessment in about August? When I’m able to walk and do things like a normal human being again. Seriously this shit has been keeping me awake at night.
Then we have the pregnancy stuff. I’m not so worried about the pain part. Wierd I know. I’m worried how I’ll react to the pain if anything. I don’t want to be that hysterical crazy woman on the wards but I know my anxiety might get the better of me. I worry about being in hospital. I know it’s the safest place for me but I don’t like the atmosphere in them. I don’t like the doctors and nurses who are too busy to help you. I certainly don’t like the 200 degree temperature that seems to always be circulating the building. No wonder people leave the place sicker. I’m worrying will we have everything come June. Or whether she’ll arrive early before we’re even ready. And then there is the worry of if I go over. I don’t want to be induced. I’m not up for being trapped in a room just waiting for the pain to start at any moment. I don’t want that to happen. And then there is the general worries about her health. Will she be the right size at the next appointment? Does she kick enough? Does she kick too much? Illogical stuff taking up precious space in my mind.
To be fair I just need a good night’s sleep. With all these worries and then the normal waking up’s during the night I’m feeling pretty run down. Only 1 assignment left to complete and hand in and then that’s it. I’m done. Just need the dog grooming assessment out of the way.
Apart from stressed I’m doing ok though. I’ve got the majority of my work out of the way for now. We’ve bought a lot of what has been needed for Beth and it’s really just the waiting game with her. I avoided the GTT and expect to get a lecture on the th at my 32 week appointment. I’m amazed with how fast it’s gone by but certainly won’t miss this part when it’s over. Except maybe the movements. Them I enjoy. Just not at 2am….