So we hit 2 years on the 18th. And to be honest it didn’t upset me as much as I thought it would. Probably because we’ve had so many other things going on recently that I just didn’t have chance to focus on it. 2 weeks previously AF was late and with the help of my currently pregnant friend I got my hopes up. All this talk of being pregnant together made me feel positive minded. Sadly I wasn’t positive in test terms though. So we hit 2 years. I honestly never thought that I’d still be at this stage. A year ago I never thought I’d still be at this stage. I think instead of going crazy over it and wanting to take action I’m sort of withdrawing from it. My mentality has gone from “I must try everything to make it work” to “Well maybe it will never happen for me. Maybe I should accept that.” And it’s not feeling as bad as it used to. I have my dog (not the same I know), I have Kim, I have my hammies and my waps. What more could I need? I guess this is where I get onto my family.
Me and Kim announced our engagement the other day. We’d had this planned for a long while but waiting on my divorce (now sorted) and the fact that we didn’t want to do anything big when it did come around held it off. Everyone congratulated us except for members of my family. Cousins and such made a note but my parents and sisters were nowhere to be seen. This has been going on for a long while now. It’s sort of because I’m not in the country, I’m not part of the family anymore. I’m that distant aunty who noone remembers when she comes to visit. It’s sort of annoying me.
My mum still keeps in touch somewhat. Mostly through Facebook messages quickly asking me how I am and the odd phone call when I call her to catch up. My dad refuses to call me first as he feels I should make the effort. Despite the fact it’s always me who has to make the effort. The last contact we had was Christmas where I called him. Me and A haven’t spoken since we fell out last year. An immature bicker which blew up and we’re both too stubborn to make up. To be honest I do feel better not having her drama in my life. And when I say drama, I mean the type of problems she brings on herself and makes into situations for attention. S hasn’t spoken to me since February when she moved back to the UK and started suffering from her depression. Though I feel for her I don’t think being with my dad will help her in anyway. As for H the youngest she’s busy with her life. I send her stupid images every now and again but very rarely get a reply.
It’s a little disheartening. I was always told that as we got older we all needed to keep in touch because at the end of the day the only people we would have left would be family. I’m tired of making effort though. I feel like I’ve lost my family and I think that’s why TTC has been so high on agenda because I want my family back. Being infertile though has changed the game. I need to create a different family. Even if that is the pup.
In other news I had my college interview on Monday. I panicked and am pretty sure I bodged the interview majorly. The test afterwards though I revised for and made myself so nervous only to be slightly insulted when I came to it. The questions were the type of things you got asked when you were 14. Things that I sort of expect anyone to know. Maybe it’s just me because of my interest. Either way I’m now waiting to see if I’ve been accepted or not. God I hope I have been.
I’m now divorced as well. Legally and everything. It’s only taken 3 1/2 years to sort. It’s a bit of a weight off my mind.
The banks annoyed me by declining a loan we applied for meaning we can’t move to a lovely house we had seen here in Ireland. Their reasoning was that we could afford the loan so we may as well just save up the cash ourselves. I don’t understand the logic either but that means we’re staying at our current home with the intrusive landlord who broke our back gate because the lawn “needed” doing. Why he can’t just leave us alone I’ll never know.
Anyways not else much has happened. I’m waiting on the college letter/my results from my animal welfare exam I had a month ago. I’ve also got tickets for Wicked booked with my friend for next year so I’m counting down to that. I’ll prob update again once something has happened with my life. For now here’s an up to date picture of Plato. (He’s just turned 1y 3w)
Napoleon: Now the squeaking has stopped.
Lafayette: I still say it was a little ol’ cricket bug.
Napoleon: Wait a minute. I’m the leader. I decide what it was.
Napoleon: It was a little ol’ cricket bug.