Jumping through hoops

Published March 27, 2013 by reachandflexibility

So we went to the first adoption meeting. This is the one where they give you all the information and from there you can request an application pack and get on your way to the very long path of adoption. I went in with a sense of excitement and dread. I knew it would be a tough path but I hoped and my god I hoped that it would be an option for us. To put it simply it’s not. I’ll give you the run down of the things I remember from yesterday. Mostly I remember with each fact looking at Kim and the recognition between us both of how can this be done? So –

  •  Only 10% of all prospective adoptive parents end up with a child. This is from start to finish. It’s not like the numbers are even that high but people get refused declaration for their age, health, finances, country choice etc etc. People with declarations get left waiting until the declaration expires. There are people from 3 years ago currently having theirs renewed due to waiting so long.
  • The majority of children up for adoption have special needs in some way. Now whilst I like to think I could deal with any problems that child might have it’s not just me involved in this. It’s Kim as well and realistically we have always wanted a child of our merits. Now the institutionalised problems can be overcome mostly but in a real would I don’t think we could deal with it. We’re being selfish in this we know but I guess it’s not the life we wanted. The more physical problems the children have ranging from spina bifida and cystic fibrosis are nothing I know about. You can request to have a healthy child but there are very few in care domestic or intercountry. Even if you’re ok with adopting an unhealthy child you have to prove your knowledge and show you would be able to. This I can understand but what biological parent has to do this when taking their child home for the first time?
  • Out of the 13 or so countries available for adoption 5 were currently closed for adoptions, 3 I was actually too young to adopt from (this was probably the only good thing that came from it, that I was too young for something for a change). The rest either had extremely long waiting lists and were dealing with a backlog or cost wise they were out of the question.
  • Florida has a cost of 38,000 euros. When asked what these costs covered we couldn’t be told and we would have to find out off someone who had actually adopted from there. Bulgaria the cheapest country was 18,000. Pretty much we can’t afford this and cycles of IVF would be cheaper. They would also be quicker and would result in our own child.
  • Only 34 adoptions worldwide went through last year to bring children into new families in Ireland. Yet there were 600+ people waiting to adopt from countries and there are 4000 children in foster care in Ireland alone. This makes no sense…
  • Me and Kim would need to get police clearance from all countries we have lived in for over 6 months. This is another cost on top of all the other legal things and I don’t even know where to start with it. We would also need to be health checked for any serious issues. Dr’s would need to sign off on current or past problems ie my depression to show that it’s under control in an appropriate way.
  • There is a 4 year minimum wait time. Now this we can handle even if it doesn’t make much sense why there is this wait time. They say they’re putting the children first and yet these children are stuck in the “care” system for months and years waiting for families who are desperate to have children. Families who have jumped through hopes and had checks that any normal mother/father would not have needed.
  • They need to interview coupled friends of the adoptive parents. Now this would be fine if me and Kim actually knew couples here in Ireland. I’ll get this straight I’m not a social person. I will wear my headphones around the city centre even when the battery has gone just so people won’t talk to me. So we know 0 couples.

So basically we’ve hit the wall before we’ve even started as I expected. Foster care seems like an option but not while I’m hoping to go to college full-time. It would be 2 years before we’d be ready to look at foster care. Even then they expect you to be at home full-time to manage the child. Understandable but difficult to do. That’s also 2 years away, a miracle could happen in that time. A very unexpected miracle.

On some more positive notes I don’t know what CD I’m on. For the first time in almost 2 years I have no idea and not really any willingness to find out. I’ll find out when AF shows I guess and I can only hope my cycle is longer than last time. Getting concerned that they’re getting shorter despite my blood test results all being normal.

We’re getting closer to May which means college interview to find out if I’ve got in. God I hope I have. I really do. I’d do anything to get this course.

Even though yesterday was a disaster it hasn’t hit me as badly as I thought it would. I think it’s because in my head I still have hope of something happening. Until someone tells me it’s impossible then there is always a chance. I don’t have to accept a future that isn’t written in stone.

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6 comments on “Jumping through hoops

  • Holy! 10%? That’s an extremely depressing statistic. I hate how hard/expensive/long the adoption process is…so much bureaucracy while infants and children wait in other countries…

  • Ugh, I’m sorry that adoption is so hard. I know it’s tough over here in the U.S., but it sounds even tougher in Ireland. You make great points. It’s ironic that wonderful potential adoptive parents get put through the ringer with tests no biological parent has to do, while children are lingering in the system longer as a result.

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