Adoption….The Mountain

Published February 15, 2013 by reachandflexibility

So after my post the other day I started to look into adoption as a serious option to go along with. I can’t see my body working any time, if ever and so I have to be realistic. I found an info evening that they hold at the end of every month and from there you can see if you want to go down that route and get applying. Well I’ve set us up for the end of March. Kim is ok with it all but at the same time he has his doubts about adoption. He says he’s not sure what they are though. 1 thing he knows is that he would like a child similar to us. He feels that we are reasonably intelligent people. Well he’s reasonably intelligent, I’m just mental, but that he wouldn’t want to father a child that was well stupid… I said you could genetically end up with a child who was stupid it’s just how things happen and not to be so picky. I can understand his reservations with it but I’ve always known having a family has been more important to me than him anyways so I’m not worrying too badly. I do sort of wish he could get as involved as I do sometimes but the fact that he wants children with me is good enough.

So I started my research and very quickly came into some large walls. We’re not married yet though we do plan to get married hopefully in the near future. This means if we were to apply now we would only be able to do it as a sole applicant being me. This prevents us applying to a lot of countries. Domestic adoption seems to be out of the window as there is barely any information on it and just not many of them happen at all. I’m not sure why and maybe I can find out more on the information evening. If we got married then we can apply to a few more but it seems some of the countries I had my eye on just won’t do adoptions anymore (Russia for instance).

Then there is the cost. Now I’ll be honest, I knew it would cost but I sort of expected it to be manageable and not as scary a price as IVF. Now IVF I’ve already said I won’t do. As much as I love science I don’t think I could handle it if it failed and with the finances we have we couldn’t do more than 1 cycle. All my hopes pinned on 1 try that might fall through before we even got a TWW. It’s just not something I could do. Huge respect to all the women who have, are and will go through it. I wish you all the luck in the world. But yes costs. It appears that apart from the general travel, paperwork and such there are fees involved just to keep the governments happy. Fee’s that can vary from manageable to “holy shit are you kidding me? I would’ve bought a whole new car for that.” –  This scares me as I’ve never been a person for savings. The most I have is in my piggy bank and even then I can’t fit 10,000 euros in him. I don’t know how we will manage this at all.

Then there comes the issue of the wait. 3 years is about the average. After a year and a half of trying to have a child naturally this seems like a huge amount of time on top. I wonder if the people in charge realise that there are children being kept waiting and not just the parents. I understand they need a good home and checks need to be done but why aren’t there the same rules in place for people who breed naturally? I’m tired of seeing stories of people abusing their kids and of leaving them to starve. It’s not really fair. But then again life isn’t fair.

It seems that adoption is becoming less of an option the more I look into it but I’m still going to go to the information evening. We can’t be the only ones who question the system this way. All we want to do is have a family and give our love to a child that will be ours. Is that too much to ask?

“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.”

C.S Lewis

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