God I need to shut down my head. Not TTC is going ok. I’m not feeling as normally stressed as I would right now but knowing I need to sort my prescription for next cycle has the whispers creeping in again. I can’t just sort it when my new cycle starts either because the pharmacy never has the trigger shot in stock and as such I’m stuck waiting for ages. I’ve been given a repeat prescription for 3 months in a hope that it works. Fingers crossed it will… And hopefully soon, the treatment is expensive and not having a job is proving to be a pain in the arse.
I’ve been checking sites daily in a hope that something appears. And nothing does. Customer service requires a second language, admin jobs are either far too far out or just not available. Even simple part time jobs are taken. I’m not sure what to do and even helpful advice is just seeming more like pressure to get something done. I realise I need to find something. I realise that money is tight and will be while I spend time searching. I really do hope something comes by soon. I daren’t look at my bank balance because I know it will just make me worry more. Some good news came through the mail today. Although making me smile briefly it then made me worry about money again and I’m having to subdue all panic in my cluttered little mind. I’ve been thinking about giving up ttc. It’s not going to work any time soon and all it will do is cost us money we don’t have. Even if we did get pregnant by some miracle we wouldn’t be able to afford it. I need to get myself mentally back to normal again as well. Maybe see the doctors to cut the edges from my thinking. We’ll see. I need to think :p
The good news in the post was a letter stating my decree of somethingorother will be going through on the 22nd November. This is the second to last stage of my divorce. Then I will be a legally single woman. Not actually single – I’m with Kim of course. But on paper I’ll be single. It’s good news. A glimmer of light in the darkness. Hopefully things will get sorted. Gpd I hope they get sorted.