So a week since my trigger and oh my god time is moving shortly! I’m switching between hopefulness and pessimism in matters of minutes and I sort of wish I had a little screen on the outside of me so I can see what’s going on internally. I’ve been testing the trigger out of my system and today it’s still positive though now it’s more like a trick of the light type line. I assume it’ll all be gone by tomorrow. They usually say about 7-10 days for it then any line I get will be an actual BFP and not the trigger shot. The things we do right :p
Symptoms this week, ummm sore nips (usual around now), acheness down below like AF pre pains but farrrrr too early for that and not as crampy…just achey… And a feeling everynow and again like someone has kicked me in the foof. Yeah TMI I know but meh you can all know about it. All these things point towards the hopefulness in my mind. The oh my god this might actually work. Then the realism kicks in. 18 months down the line and why should this month be different. Oh you had clomid and a shot and the nurse said that everything was great and that the planets alligned at just the right moment and you’ve done everything you can do. Well big deal. You’re still not going to get it. And if you do your hormones won’t be high enough so you’ll just lose it again before you can even get to the clinic for an early scan and then guess what you’ll be doing all this again. I’m trying to ignore this voice but as the week justkeeps on going it gets louder and louder. Now as you guys know I’m not religious but I do think there is something out there. Well in the wierd times I sort of pray for things. Never for myself. I figured if there’s someone out there who has control of our destinies then the last thing he wants to here is the demands of a spoilt woman going mememememememe. But recently I find myself praying for myself. Praying for my future and the people in it. I sort of feel wrong doing this. Is that wierd?
Anyways 1 week to go providing my body is doing what it’s meant to be. I believe I’ve made a similer line in previous cycles…
This is here just because I’m looking forward to it’s release because everyone knows I can’t stand Harry “I’m going to write fantasy fanfiction and steal ideas from other stories” Potter.