So this week I’ve been troubled by much rage. Not sure what has been causing it. Can’t say lack of sleep as have been sleeping my normal hours. Can’t say people have been annoying me as they haven’t. I dunno what’s been up with me. I wondered if maybe it was just the added focus on the puppy that I’m not used to but that seems a bit silly especially with the things I’ve been getting angry about. I was ready to cry at the fact I couldn’t see Ice Age 4 the other day. We tried to see it once and there was a school trip there. Now last thing I want is to sit in a cinema packed with children (well pre-teens) and their 3 teachers who can’t handle them. So we said sod that and decided to try another day. We went back and they had moved the showing to a later time so we cancelled again. I’m still waiting on my problem free trip to Ice Age 4.
The dog has been hard work but he seems to be calming somewhat. Now that we actually have the gate up for the garden we don’t need to walk him around the garden anymore and can just let him go free which also means I don’t have to keep putting my shoes on every 20 minutes.
Jobs are still seeming impossible to find. Seems every single customer service job requires you to speak 2 languages which makes me feel pretty useless despite so many years of working in it. The job centre is still messing me around over here so I’m not even getting money from the government to live off. I hate leaching off Kim as well so I’m just getting angrier at myself for not staying on at the last place for 1 week longer. I give up far too easily.
On the subject of giving up I’m starting to think maybe me and kim should just not bother for children. It’s not going to happen. Despite all the symptom spotting I’m doing this week (slightly cramping, headaches, 1 sore boob – that’s right 1! and of course the over emotional rage and near crying moments) I know it won’t happen. Even if it does I know I’ll just lose it so quickly. I was even dreaming about it last night. That I got my BFP and was off to buy my digi for the comfort but even in my dream I just wondering how long it would last. I’m of course wondering why I symptom spot seen as my cycle varies so wildly. 28-36 days never the same each month, always different. And typically opk’s would make me a crazy woman and so can not be used. Even with pcos I don’t think they would work properly anyways. /facedesk. I can’t give up on something that is so important to me. I’ve given up on everything else I’ve ever tried to do but I won’t with this.
Sorry this post has been a bit of a downer on previous entries. I’ll make up for it I promise.
“It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing.”
Boromir – Lord of the Rings