I’m alive – now with update

Published July 2, 2012 by reachandflexibility

Firstly sorry for any spelling mistakes but this is the first post off the iPad. It’s not normal to type on this that’s for sure. Anyways quick update to say I am alive. Plato is a handful as expected but is the loveliest thing ever. I already know that I’m out for cycle 13 so just counting the days till its over. Let’s pray for a short cycle. It’s a good thing we picked up Plato to give me something to occupy my mind and to prevent me from focussing on the ever passing months. I will say its been playing on my mind. I just feel… I dunno… Like I’m having to think over my future. Maybe I’m not meant to have children. I’ll be auntie or god mother. Or just crazy animal owner. God I wish I didn’t feel so alone with all these thoughts.

Update – so managed most of a nights sleep and woke to a lovely comment which has lifted my spirits. Yesterday I was feeling pretty zoned out. Still no referral news. No hope for this cycle. No hope of keeping a pregnancy even if I did see those 2 magical lines. All I could do was wait for the next cycle and go through the motions again. I will admit I still don’t feel too hopeful. I know it’s not been long but when you’re young you sort of expect it to happen instantly. With most of the people I know it has done. With the forums it has done. Even the ones who have been there a while seem to have all got their bfp’s together. I think the fact that I can’t be proactive as well on it bothers me. I feel I have no control at all and I don’t think people get that. They just think it will happen. To just wait and be patient. But when it’s the only thing you’ve ever been sure of in your life how do you stay patient?

I best just relax and as usual try not to think about it. Focus on the dog and spending time with him. After all this may be al there is to life.



2 comments on “I’m alive – now with update

  • I’m sorry you feel alone with your thoughts…I definitely feel that way much of the time. Just know that you are not alone in this pain, that there are women like myself staring at the computer screen right now, reading your words or writing out similar thoughts. We may feel alone at times but we are not alone in this struggle. Also, just my opinion, but if you want to be a mom, then you ARE meant to be a mom. It’s just taking longer to get there. ๐Ÿ™‚ We all want to give up at times but this is something that truly matters to you so don’t lose faith!

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