Keeping myself sane

Published June 15, 2012 by reachandflexibility

Red : Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

(Shawshank Redemption)

So in the UK. And today is CD1. Time to commence cycle 13. Yet another fucked up short cycle to mess up my average days. Thanks body that was really what I wanted from you. As if being home with the most annoying puppy ever wasn’t bad enough. Have I never mentioned? My mum has 2 dogs. One is Trinny – My 11-year-old collie. She’s quiet, smart and the most loyal thing ever. And then there is Nina. Just like Nina Williams from Tekken she is the most irritating thing ever. She’s stupid and I mean fucking derpy. She attacks Trinny on a whim and she fails to learn commands. My sister believes she is “training” the dog but I’m convinced the only training she is doing is teaching the dog that acting like she is will get attention. So yeah easily irritated by it. I know she’s a puppy but fuck me if it’s not working stop doing it and take some fucking advice from someone else.

As you might be able to tell I’m feeling quite hostile today. Didn’t get much sleep. Barely left the house. Missing Kim. Feel fat. Am fat. Crampy as all fuck and nothing is easing it. Most likely because I don’t have my nice painkillers from back home and I’m also lacking a hot water bottle. Just urg. I was meant to enjoy this week but after 2 days all I want to do is go back home where it’s calm and I can hear myself think.

The job hunting in Denmark isn’t going as well as it could and money is growing short. We’ve ended up paying for vet bills for Trinny as I was for once right to be worried about her. Also seems the plan is slowly changing to staying in Ireland. Well it’s better than the UK for sure but I’m a little disappointed. I didn’t want to stay there forever but it’s seeming the easiest thing at the moment. Kim keeps asking what would make me happy there. Well there’s only one answer for it. Having a family there and settling down. Our own little dog might start that but I do want the family. I don’t think it will ever happen and I’m just feeling so sorry for myself about it all. People keep saying be hopeful and the time will come, but will it? I don’t know if I can be blindly optimistic about it. I’m just not that type of person. I believe if you earn something you should be given it. Have I not earned it? If not then how can I? What have I not done that all these teenage/lowlife/moronic or just plain evil people have done?

I honestly don’t know where my life is going at the moment and I just need something to keep my hopes up right now.

Andy Dufresne – Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

 

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