So today is my second to last day at my current job. It started with a lot of excitement but seems to be ending with the feeling that I’ve met a hero only to find out they’re drunk and not as awesome as I originally thought. Maybe I’ve grown up…maybe I’ve been let down a few too many times and am feeling bitter. After the last 9 months of not having the motivation, the miscarriage (which to be honest I didn’t handle that well despite it being so early into the pregnancy – and yes I did just say all that out loud. I’m not going to hide in shame about it) and then the constant struggle to get up each day it got to a point of being too much. Waking up and arguing with Kim was not my idea of enjoying my life. I was feeling trapped in a situation and my options were limited. I was in simplicity becoming very depressed again. In the last 10 years I’ve drifted in and out of it and I know when it is upon me again. It was a dangerous place I was in when I decided once and for all that I was quitting the job.
Now I worry though about finding a new job and finances between me and Kim. I worry about getting on his nerves around the house as I spend my time gaming and blogging in between job hunting of course. I worry about silly things like what people think of me giving up just like that. I really wanted it to carry on like it did when I first started here. I hoped with moving to the new shift it would be like that again. But instead I was let down again and it was too much.
This isn’t really a blog to mope and moan but more one to explain myself to the people I don’t really talk to that well. Well everyone really, getting me to break how I really feel is like trying to get that guy from CSI to remove his glasses. Not for a pun. His real actual glasses. But anyways despite some of the above I’m glad to go. It’s nice not being held hostage to my wage anymore. I feel a sense of freedom from once again not being a customer service lackey. The worrying is combined with a sense of excitement at the unknown world and what will come next. I’m tempted to go back to college and learn some new things or try for a job that isn’t based in an office. We’ll see what the future brings really.
This blog is sort of becoming more personal than it was originally meant to. I guess with it I sort of want to feel less alone if that makes sense. It’s one thing I’m finding with TTC is that it’s difficult to relate to anyone around you. I’m on the forums, I see the posts but I feel I can’t connect with them. You see people come and go from them and you just wait patiently for your turn. You see the woman who are trying meds and such and you can’t relate as you’re not at that stage either. I’m sort of in a limbo just waiting for the months to pass until I know which group I can start to get to know. You’d think having 3 sisters there would be at least 1 who understood how I was feeling.
Me and the sisters as decided by the youngest. I’m the orange haired one (I haven’t a clue what is one my shirt though)