Now I know I said I wouldn’t bring this all to the blog as it’s the last thing you want to hear about and to be honest it’s not something I feel comfortable being questioned about in person but I need to vent.
Today is mother’s day. Now for the previous 24 years this hasn’t really bothered me. I love my mum but don’t really need a specific day to say that to her. This year though I want to rage. Mostly because of Facebook. Being 25 I have a large circle of friends all with children and today is the day where the constant updates get put up. Grats to them on creating their legacy but it’s really the last thing I want to hear about. (I’ve already closed it before anyone says I don’t have to read it) Maybe I’m being selfish with it, maybe they’re the ones being selfish *shrug* but I can’t get this bitterness and jealousy out of my head. In 2 months time I’ll be in that dr’s room setting up appointments to be poked and prodded to find out what’s wrong with me. Now I know people will say it might not be you and I understand that but deep down I know there is something wrong. Each month when I find myself doubled over in pain, taking the strongest painkillers I can, I know that’s not normal.
I have the strongest respect for some of the women’s blogs I read on here. One woman has been trying 5 years and whilst others might think that’s insane, I personally believe she’s an incredibly strong-willed woman. I know it’s not something I could do no matter how much children of my own mean to me. Yes I know I’m horrible about other people’s spawn. Some of them are vile and I really think there should be an IQ test before breeding is allowed in some communities but it’s still something I would like to do for myself.
Anyways I’ll leave this as it is. Promised Kim that this blog would not become me moaning like this and I don’t want people’s sympathy. I just want to get my opinion across on this matter before I explode at some excited mother to be. Also this is not a dig at people who don’t want children. Kudos to them for making that decision and I stand by them no matter what they next decide to do in life. My problem is not with them.